I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
