giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
