Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
