It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
