I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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