Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
