Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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