You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
