Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
