My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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