we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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