we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
