You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
