We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
