So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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