He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
