My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
