you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
