So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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