A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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