she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
