I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
