Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
