THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
