I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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