If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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