Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
