my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
