Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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