You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
