the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
