She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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