why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
