she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
