U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The air taste purple.
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