All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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