I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
50% drunk capacity currently
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
