New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
