You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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