that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
