He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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