are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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