she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
