Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
time to smoke my breakfast
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
