they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They have beer where we have blood.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
