Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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