I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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