I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
