oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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