I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
