I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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