Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
