I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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