I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
