i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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