im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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