oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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