In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
