and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
