Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
