i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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