Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
